Wednesday, May 04, 2016

About fever, life and thermodynamics

  I recently had a very bad fever. One which lasted about two weeks. The thing that do not like about fever the most is that it happens in one day but fades away gradually. So, you start feeling bad from feeling good in less than one day. But, you do not get well suddenly! You do not get the feeling of being well too quickly. That is what I do not like about fevers.

  Thinking about it, what I realise is that this is of course true in every aspect of life. If we let everything to be on their own device, things will become more and more chaotic and it takes quite some effort to make things orderly. That too, will happen gradually.

  We had a chemistry teacher in our school, who tried teaching us about thermodynamics, entropy and chaos. Well, he mostly wasted his and our times. But, he said something that is still in my head. He said that, life is thermodynamically infavourable process. So, it takes effort to keep life going. I think it is true for all the aspects of life in general. It needs just one infection to get you a fever, one small disagreement to break off a relationship, one small mistake to let go of an opportunity of a lifetime.

  There is one quote often attributed to famous Indian statistician P. C. Mahalanobis. I am not sure about its authenticity, but it says, disease is contagious, health is not. It takes very little effort to go towards disorderliness, but a lot to keep it as you want something to be.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Identify, Recognise, Remember and Value

  We all remember the candy that was refused by our moms. I used to be very angry and annoyed with these instants. I used to wonder why exactly she was refusing to let me have a candy. As a kid, I wondered if she was having candies behind me and not letting me have some of them.

  After I grew up a bit, I understood I only remembered the times she refused and not the times when she allowed me to have some candies. I understood that she was doing this for my own god. She was stopping me from having candies more than certain limit as having many of them might not be good. I also understood that she did bar me from many activities beyond a certain limit as it might have had the some bad effect on me.

  Then my age increased some more. I found that some people in my life is actually barring me from doing certain things. For those who don't personally know me, I am a bit slow in noticing and understanding everything. I thought they were being selfish and trying to not let me have fun in my life. And many times, not always, I went on doing those things they asked me not to do.

  Most often what happened is that I somehow either felt bad, got hurt, or had materialistic loss; not always of course. I thought about it. I understood that there are few people in my life who want the very best for me. As they are not me, they can observe and understand my life objectively which is very hard for me to do as my life is my own. Of course, they understood me only that much, till the point I allowed them.

  I believe all of us have that set of few people in their lives those who want the very best for them. We need to identify and remember them. We need to understand their words from a futuristic point of view keeping in mind they want only good for you. We need not always refuse the ideas which may cause not to have immediate material/emotional displeasure. We need to value these people's opinion. And in a world like this, which is mostly selfish, we need to value these people too.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Crossroad In The Way Of Understanding People

In life you come across many crossroads. They are of many categories. They will make you think and decide about the issues. But what if the crossrads are coming in the process of decission making itself.

I always tried to find answers, rather explanations to everything that is happening around me. It always irritates me not to have the explanations. Sometimes I even pay a very big price to have very little knowledge about something that is concerning me and consider as my gain even though in general notion it does not seem so.

So it is of no wonder that I will always try to get the explanations of any given situation or anything that is happening to me.

No matter how hard you try, you end up expecting in every sphere of life. As of now, without practice of meditation or something similar, you are bound to have lost control of your desires. So in our lifestyles, expectations are inevitable. But what are the consequences?

You expect something. That means there is atleast 50% of chance that you will not get that. atleast because, most of the case, expectations are supposed to be fulfilled by a person  who is NOT you.

What if you expect something, and then not given. Then a situation comes where you cannot have that soemthing and now the people, who are supposed to fulfil your expectation when there was a chance, starts saying how they want to fulfil them and cannot do now only because situation does not give them any chance. When just maybe two days ago situation was favourable and they just ignored it.

Again something like this also may happen that there might be a chance that situation might turn favourable again. First they be sure that the situation is not going to turn in favourable. Then they will say had it been that way, they could have done this and that.

All I want to say that I am now growing up. Although it is very late, but I am happy that I know tomorrow when I shall be going to bed, I will be more mature than today. I learnt many things about life in very hursh ways as I was late. So I am going to believe whatever I understand instead of what I am told. Because only your thinking process and views will remain with you till the end. Anyway, people believe whatever they want to believe. This also is my observation. So as a part of growing up, I shall also go by this rule.

But on the same note I know this also, that I will not stop believing in people. That is the last thing one should do. But what you will believe about them is choice that left to you by the Matrix.. :P
I will take the crossroads that suits me. I guess that is what everybody does.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Be Careful What You Wish For

I am a very big fan of Dr. House. He sometimes says "you can't always get what you want." I also believed that, until very recently. As you cannot get what you want immediately, this might seem true for some time. Some of my experiences made me think in other ways.

I saw this documentary "Law of Attraction" (not the movie) almost three years ago. It says right attitude of having something already accomplished which is not accomplished yet, will actually help you to reach that destination. Of course it sounds absurd at first. But I believed that positive attitude is thousand times better than a negative one.

Also in a conversation around two and a half years back, one of my friend Anton asked me if at the back of my mind I am still interested in physics or not. I was not doing well in my studies. It made me think that whatever idea you dump on the back of your mind, you consciously may forget it. But it stays there and dictates all your future actions. They can as well be analysed very strongly from that point of view.

Observations show that apparently strong dams built on rivers are required regular maintenance. Though the calculated shock that can absorbed without any damage is more than the actual force the river exerts for a given amount of time. Similarly, it may be inferred shows that if you continuously let something stay at the back of your head, it affects your action in achieving or fulfilling those ideas.

That is why I realised that whatever you want, make sure you want it in the long run. Because if it is not, you might not like it when you get it. But nothing can be done then as everybody would know what you were up to all these times and all the situations created were already very strong to not let go off the thing you wanted all these years due to your actions. So, I think it would be wise to decide beforehand what you really want instead of not liking it that much later. Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Human Nature: As I Found It

As I am trying to live my life rather than merely existing as mention in many great people's quotes, I keep coming across many astonishing revelations about human nature. Since our interactions and involvements are mostly with another human (well if not really, virtually), that is what continues to intrigue me.

I had a habbit of reading classic novels and short stories and also old English poems (mostly of romantic age). My father being a English literature student, I had relatively easier access to these classics. I read many words at one can say an unprepared age. Some of them, if I am lucky enough to find a correlation with something in real life striked me very hard. Some of them did not.

I somehow always restrained myself from learning about human nature through human interactions as most of the time I used to find this action inseparable from judging people by their actions. Well, until very recently. I realised that probably it is necessary for living comfortably, for not getting hurt agian and again.

So, now that I have decided to start learning from first hand human interactions, I started realising that almost all words in them have a significance. So, I may realise something new today, but when I think about it, it is very much normal to the world already.

One of the lessons that recently I learnt about human nature is that people will do whatever they feel important anyway and find and excuse to not do whatever they feel is not important. This is true everytime. No matter what your relation is with that person, be it your parents, best friend, teacher, that special someone or even your admirer. It does not matter what prejudice you have about them or what you expect them to do. And no matter how much important you think something is, if another human does not think it is, my experience says better expect him to do the opposite. Less disappointment for you.

But in the end, it's all good I think. Life, after all is just a ride. People with different point of view will keep coming and neither you can always avoid them, nor it's worth the effort. I think enjoying the ride is all that matters.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Truth, Knowledge and Realisations

I always used to have this unquenchable thirst for knowledge. About everything. I always wanted to know the truth. What exactly is going on behind the scene, everywhere, what is the impact of my words or deeds; how exactly it is affecting the world. As I grew up with a mentality like this, mostly I remain truthful to people (with a few exceptions of not telling my parents about going out with a girl or that my geography marks for the sessional came out and I could not obtain the pass marks :P). And somehow in turn expecting the people to be truthful to me too. I always appreciated if they let me know what exactly they think of me and if some problem arises I preferred talking about it point blank.

As I became involved in this world more and more, I went through many realisations, mostly cyclic. Nevertheless I still was eager to know what is always going on behind the scene. One thing I always believed truly that the truth can and shall set me free, free from this vicious cycles of realisations. It always gave me the opportunity to come out of an incident and look into the matter objectively, needless to say which everytime helped me even if there was no apparent problem.

But as I became somewhat more involved with the people of this world, I came to realise that it may not be always wise to dig to depth to bring out the truth. The very reason that you have to dig deeply, is also the reason of the violence once the truth comes out and somehow suddenly it does not matter anymore to anybody except yourself. To be very frank, what I have realised, people will behave in whatever way they want to behave, no matter what they told you before and in the process of knowing the truth you also come across the falseness of their words. Somehow it made me feel that the truth may only matter to a few people and for the rest, is whatever make them feel better.

In this process, I also came to know that I may not like the truth. But that never told upon my strong desire of making the truth come out. What did was my own action also along with others' participation after I made the truth come out from them. Though I heard this many times that it certainly is not wise to know the truth every time, I am not sure about the credibility of the words. Even when I realise that the truth may make things worse, may make me feel worse, I still have this splinter of desire in my mind to know the truth.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

“There is no friend as loyal as a book” ― Ernest Hemingway

I started liking books since my childhood, same for most of the people I guess. I used to read them over and over and so never ran out of books to read. This compelled my mother to hide the books during my exam time as I used to perform poorly. I remember sometimes I could discover where she hid them and its feeling was similar to climbing a tough peak.

Then I grew up (my age increased). I started finding my hiding place inside them. To be very frank, I am a dull human being. I sometimes fail to tune with the outside world. So, for my peace of mind I learnt to turn to them whenever I feel lonely. It never disappointed me.

I came to college. I became exposed to many aspects of life which I did not know of. I became aware of incompleteness of life and the necessity of it. And I dived into the so-called ocean of life.

At first I couldn't enjoy. I thought its because I was learning how to swim.

Many days went by. Few moments of joy, some heartbreakings and a lot of indifference happened to me. And now at the end of it, as I am trying to evaluate what I was doing in this ocean, I realised that what I learnt is simply how to dance at the small waves and avoiding the larger ones. What it felt to me was something similar to a subject, student of which can either perform as a general graduate or can teach that subject to produce similar students.

Now once again, I looked back at the books. Whenever I get unfulfilment from this 'real' world, I turned back to it. To my joy, I found when everything (almost) has changed in my life this fellow is still the same loyal to me, rather in the time of need its usefulness is more felt and it becomes irreplacable.

I would like to think that one of my favourite Wordsworth has written the poem thinking about the books instead of the daffodils. They only truly have given me the "bliss of solitude."

Friday, March 30, 2012

That's Too Easy You See...

I sometimes wondered and became astonished with an observation. I felt that every time in a relatively difficult situations, maybe I am performing better. I always tried to find the reason myself as it seems counter-intuitive. I also have heard of some explanations from the others. The explanations that I heard are mostly like this that, the people who find difficult situations advantageous are usually unable to solve simpler problems and thats why their performances drop when simpler situations demands solutions, in most of the cases a bit faster than that is allowed in the tougher situation. As one can see that this explanation itself is also against our normal thinking since it violates the very paradigm of easy and tough.

As I found myself with another explanation of this situation which essentially emphasises on the difference in the very basic nature of simpler and relatively tougher problems and it also is connected to the idea of time.

I was playing this game "Mahjong" as I sometimes do in a lazy morning, in my computer of course. And all I did was a change in the map. I switched from a map to the toughest map. Well it didn't surprise me that much, I mean the result. It took me less time than the best time I scored in the easiest. I was playing the toughest for the first time. And then it clicked my mind somehow.

I asked myself what is the difference that is benefiting me in some way. And then it also taught me something about myself. What I felt that the essential difference that distinguishes an easy situation with a tougher one is that most of the time is the number of solutions a situation comes with. What defines a tough situation, is usually it presents with one situation or maybe a few but very much less compared to an easy one.

The trick of finding the solution is hence also differs. When one wants to solve an easy problem, they try to find a solution or if more sincere the most appropriate solution which fits the situation. But in the other case, one tries to find "the" solution.

I find the first situation tougher. Its more like engineering to science. One has to note that I am referring easy and tough in its conventional sense. The second case demands the solution and does not requires to consider the situation since anyway, solution is exclusive. Maybe the idea is to simplified. But it taught me that most of the time I give up after finding an answer. While it works with the second situation relatively well, it does very badly with the second one since challenge most of the time is to find the most appropriate answer in the least amount of time.

It also told upon my performance during the placement session which I had at my college in this December. The only three times I cleared the first round of the aptitude tests was they gave fewer problems which requires quite a large amount of thinking and time given to solve them was much more than that is given during the other kinds of question sets which requires sloving many relatively simpler problems in a very less amount of time.

I believe a person should be balanced in both ways. Otherwise they must find a suitable job and situation which exploits their better quality which is almost always impossible as there are plenty of unavoidable situations life comes with. So, all the best!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I have a friend who once told me that all the friends he has, they don't think that he has the best personality in the whole world. Rather they appreciate his ways to see life and perhaps also the differences with theirs. There maybe something more to it, but nothing less. I also seemed to understand it, but not quite realised its depth.

I think people become your friend because they just like to be around you. Now there is one issue, one should not confuse friends with walk-mate, class-mate or liquor-mate etc. So friends appreciate that you may be different from them and yet can remain friends. If somebody become your friend just because they like one or two qualities of yours, well it might continue to seem as friendship even for a lifetime and it might not matter anyway, I think its a disgrace in the name of it. Though I sometimes felt friendship is an overrated concept, I think its all because of those xyz-mates. I guess its very tough to find a friend because everybody is busy with their lives and most of them don't give a crap about yours unless it has something to do with theirs. We may not be able to find it. This is just as probable as doing a job which has nothing to do with one's best skills throughout their lives. It may happen. Life is not fair.

I think a friend should be like that feeling which tells you that finish this work and then you can go to him. He won't seem distant. You don't have to ask, he will tell you what was happening with him when you were not around; and you are listening to him because you want to and also not because after he finishes you get to talk. And he too is more than willing to know about you. And most importantly it won't seem like a formality. It will happen naturally.Well as far I understand, this is an abstract concept and these are my visualisation. And I don't think there is any right or wrong in this. You go on in your own way. If you are lucky enough, you don't get to suffer for all your wrong doings or unfortunate enough you have to. Everything is coincidence. We cannot ascribe earthly events related to our lives to more important phenomena. Life, rather time just go on.

A simple quote from long ago,
उत्सवे ब्यासने चैब दुर्भिक्षे राष्ट्रबिप्लाबे।
राजद्वारे श्मशाने च यस्तिष्ठति स वान्धब।।

Saturday, April 16, 2011

John 8:32 "...and the truth will set you free."

Sometimes you make me feel like I was damn wrong
So wrong that I don't even qualify to be with you
Sometimes you make me find, to my utter dismay that I was right
How do I know which one is in the realm of reality
I don't know, surrounded so much by the virtual reality
Where people have headaches when to send a real letter
Everything is parted from the other and made to stay at their domain
I don't know whether it is prohibited
To just want the truth
Unpolished, without any doping of impurity
I want the truth
Just the truth and nothing else, trust me
without the package of make-belief

As I heard that the Bible says that the truth shall set you free. Like all the other sayings, it came to my skull as some vestigial words, until when I actually realised at least to a little extent that what it actually means to be free. As Tolkin once said "all that is gold does not glitter." Though in life we always wanted the shiny stuffs sometimes it is required to come in touch of purity in its true essence. To purify our systems flooded by pretentious thoughts and inputs (both from within and outside) every single day and moment.

What i want to say is more or less like this-

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.
-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, German poet, novelist and dramatist

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.
-Benjamin Disraeli, British politician and author